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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes it is very important if a sentence was said by a man or a woman. . A good example: ""I used a whole pack of tissues during that awesome movie yesterday..."

"Just text my husband to tell him he left his phone behind & someone is calling him. And now someone's texting him."

"Why can't a bike stand on its own ? Because it's two tired."

"Rick Astley will let you borrow of all of his Pixar movies except for one. He's never gonna give you Up"

"Why was the lumberjack executed? He committed treeson."

"How do you keep a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your back yard."

"Irreconcilable differences The judge says to Mickey, ""I can't grant you a divorce because you think Minnie is crazy."" ""I didn't say she was crazy,"" says Mickey, ""I said she was fucking Goofy!"""

"Technically, setting someone on fire is burning calories."

"TIFU on the first day of my courier job . . . . . OP didn't deliver"

"I'm using Internet Explorer to post this, so it might be a bit delayed... But there's a plane heading towards the twin towers right now."