125506

Joke of the Day

"Guess What My Friend Said Once They Discovered The Existence of Gravitational Waves? Friend: Good, now they will make microwaves that cook my chicken fingers faster. Say what now?"

"If my neighbors are gonna get angry every time I see them... why did I even buy the binoculars?"

"I Am So Depressed. I Think Suicide Is The Only Answer. If my bitch ex-wife would just commit suicide my life would be so much better."

"What is something that is invisible and lying on the floor? [RACISM ALERT!] A black man that has gotten the shit kicked out of him."

"What do you call a nun that works for your company? Nun of your business."

"I bet if I could see into the future, I would use that power to watch a lot more TV."

"No one realizes when someone says, ""The last thing I wanna do is hurt you,"" that basically implies: there is a list, hurting you is on it."

"If we start calling it 'potato juice', Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT??"

"Teacher: You can do anything you set your mind to [I try to sneak outta class but somehow mess up the pull door twice] Except maybe that guy"

"Want to hear an awesome lyrebird impression? You just did."