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Joke of the Day

"If we start calling it 'potato juice', Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT??"

"What did they say about the burger who went skiing for the first time? How the meaty have fallen!"

"I wasn't mad. Then you asked me 12 times if I was mad. Well, now I'm mad."

"Starting a diet is a lot like starting a lawn mower, you struggle and sweat and end up on the couch eating ice cream with your shirt off."

"Cashier: Aww, you grocery shop so your wife doesn't have to? [flashback to me losing paper, rock, scissors] Me: Yeah, I'm sweet like that."

"An identity thief... takes things personally"

"And God Said to John... ""Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life."" But John came fifth and he won a toaster"

"Nobody loves your text conversation screenshot as much as you do."

"I would tell you a joke about a vampire... ...but it would probably suck."

"Caitlyn Jenner has been charged with manslaughter... Bruce is dead."