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Joke of the Day

"As a girl who grew up with an annoying little sister the most unrealistic thing about Frozen is how Elsa never tried to kill Anna on purpose"

"'gamer' & 'foodie' are bullshit labels because they suggest you are something b/c you passively enjoy something everyone passively enjoys"

"What do they eat for breakfast in africa? Ebola cereal"

"I became friends with a Lovecraftian alien.... It was a Mi-Go."

"3-year-old: There's a spider on the carpet! Me: Haha, that's just a piece of fuzz. *fuzz moves* Me: EVERYBODY OUT OF THE HOUSE!"

"Jetsons? Hardly. The future turns out to be playing Scrabble from the toilet at work with someone halfway around the world."

"Summer is here I'm at home and thinking: Should I go outside and look at those I can't fuck, or should I stay here and fuck the one I can't even look at?"

"I quit smoking cold turkey 1 year ago but sometimes I still get the urge to go into fridge and light up a slice"

"So two guys walk into a bar... and the third one ducks."

"If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it...... He's gay, definitely gay."