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Joke of the Day

"""Batman, we need your help in Brussels immediately."" ""Worry not, Commissioner, I've already changed my Facebook profile picture."""

"My father's sister really isn't fond of jews... We call her auntie-semitite"

"twitter getting rid of the 140-character limit is a bad idea. the ability to say what you need to say in as few words as possible is (1/533)"

"One out of three men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest of us just don't think it's a problem"

"ME: wat if they dont like me MOM: just be urself ME: ok! [comes home early in a masive cloud of bees] ME: WAIT DID U SAY ""BEE URSELF"" OR ""BE"

"Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming."

"Why might Saturn's rings come loose? They're too close to Titan."

"Did you hear that they discontinued production on the upcoming Chevy Diode? They found it had trouble going in reverse"

"I've wrecked my car yet I still weigh the same. This crash diet is for the birds."

"With the exchange rate, Canadians only have 120 characters on Twitter. So we have less room to be clever than Ameri"