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Joke of the Day

"[karate tournament] coach: Billy sweep the leg! me in the crowd: haha hey billy vacuum his head! *Billy just wails opponent with a Dyson*"

"For my birthday my friends got me a sweater. I would have preferred a screamer or moaner, but a sweater was fine."

"Did you see that new porno for necrophiliacs? It's called ""Sex Feet Under""."

"The Fountain of Iniquity When your honest living has you worrying about pinching pennies, throw them into the wishing well and scoop up all the quarters."

"I broke my hymen riding a horse... Its dick sure was huge!"

"Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets."

"A cop pulled me over and said ""papers"". I said, ""scissors, I win"" and drove off."

"[Rock Paper Scissors Best of 7 Championship] *down 3 games to 0 against Edward Scissorhands* MY COACH: Stop choosing paper!"

"I'll tell you something about my wife She absolutely loves ~~cunilungas~~ ~~cunnilengus~~ ~~cunnelinges~~ cunnilingus Sorry, I always have trouble getting my tongue around it"

"What do you call suicide committed while shitting? Seppooku."