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Joke of the Day

"Two cannibals are eating this guy.... One of them ask, ""So, you having fun?"". The other one says ""Yeah. I'm having a ball."""

"[stands up in church] Okay I'm starting to think some of this stuff isn't true you guys."

"This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of ""Cats"" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer."

"I went to my first Ethiopian electronic concert yesterday The DJ was MT Stomach"

"WOMEN Woo men."

"Doctor Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots ? I never make rash promises !"

"Why is it a bad idea to hunt the US national bird? It's ill-eagle"

"""You are what you eat""? I don't remember eating a giant disappointment."

"I was simply stating that your crying child MIGHT fit comfortably in the overhead compartment, lady. #butseriously"

"[aquarium] Me: ""That's a lot of octopussies to occupy a tank."" Guide: ""it's octopi."" Me: ""Oh..that's a lot of octopussies to octopi a tank."""