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Joke of the Day

"Why do other moms at the playground get all snotty if you ask their husband to push you when you're on a swing?"

"My friend was going to Ethiopia, so I asked him ""Have you ever had Ethiopian food?"" ""No, sadly"" ""That's ok, neither have they"""

"I was having sex with a woman when her husband got home early She told me to use the back door and to be quick. I probably should have just left, but it's not every day you get an offer like that."

"I hate tattoos For instance, if you get a tattoo of a Tarantula, 60 years later it'll look like Daddy Long Legs."

"Welcome to the celebrity impressionist club. Please take a seat, there are plenty of Chers. I'll see myself out...."

"Sometimes I'm playing a dangerous game like Halo & people ask if I get scared but honestly no, your training just takes over"

"Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat's leg."

"Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven was a six offender."

"FB friend's boy in a baseball uniform pic: ""Our little pitcher"" Me: ""He looks more like a catcher"" Nobody got it. So I'm back here.."

"Gf: why have you been googling 'can you milk a hamster' Me: *wipes milk from mouth* it was for a tweet"