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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to the celebrity impressionist club. Please take a seat, there are plenty of Chers. I'll see myself out...."

"Fred's new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip."

"A man and a woman are having sex, when her husband comes early... she is sad."

"There was a Muslim guy who I went to high school with who was always late we called him 9/12"

"What do you call it when a bunch of Olympic swimmers have the shits for days? Dia-Rio."

"[at a bar] *creepy dude is hitting on me* Me: you wanna get outta here? Him: yeah Me: cool. I would love it if you left."

"What's the national bird of Pakistan? US Army Drone"

"Warning: Joke contains racism Racism"

"Saw an offer up at a pet shop selling unwashed dogs 'Buy one get one flea'"

"Why did the chickens cross the road? I had to get back to my car from KFC"