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Joke of the Day

"Please ignore this status..... I am standing in public alone and I don't want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting."

"Guess what Gordon Ramsay said about my mixtape... ""ITS RAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!"""

"Yo mama's so fat... ... that if you walk too close to her, you'll go into orbit."

"How many Latvians does it take to screw a lightbulb? Is dark. Bulb is potato."

"A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. "

"Let me put on my thinking cap hmmm... all I'm coming up with is ""I'm a sentient garment my very existence is a horror kill me now""."

"How many square feet are in the average NYC apartment? Zero. Feet are feet shaped."

"Why do optometrists enjoy nautical jokes? They have a good sense of aqueous humor."

"Two Muffins Two muffins are being put into an oven. The one muffin turns to the other muffin and says, ""Hey is it getting hot in here?"" The other muffins says, ""Holy shit a talking muffin!"""

"You know, I really didn't need to scratch my balls today at all. Not once - said no man EVER"