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Joke of the Day

"Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail. JK It was me."

"Instead of using ""for example"" I'll use things such as ""such as"", for example."

"My kids are starting to ask questions that I don't know the answers to so I'm going to have to trade them in for dumber models."

"They'll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that's been open for more than 2 years."

"My girlfriend thinks that I can't cook, but as soon as I figure out how much Play-Doh is supposed to go in meatloaf, I'll prove her wrong."

"Would you like to try some binary cake? Sure, I'll have a little bit."

"What do we want? A cure for short-term memory loss! When do we want it? When do we want what?"

"Why do people always make such a fuss over how much a newborn weighs? It's a baby, not a stash of heroin."

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your dick into a girls ass."

"""Expires 4/2013""??? What a boring-ass Snapple Fact"