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Joke of the Day

"Someone told me testimony is unreliable I don't believe them."

"Every 5 seconds, somewhere on this planet a woman gives birth to a child. I think! We must find this woman and stop her."

"Why did the storm trooper get an iPhone? He couldn't find the Droid he was looking for"

"Why did the Origami Artist never win a poker match? Because he will always fold."

"Hellen Keller walks into a bar... She now has a bruise on her forehead..."

"Do you want to know what Jon Snow and yo momma have in common? They both can be stabbed multiple times and not die..."

"The first thing I always do when a cop pulls me over is remind him he can't arrest me without a warrant so he knows he's dealing with a pro."

"[interview] ""Tell me about a time you defied authority to achieve a goal."" Me: no"

"If a guy spread rose petals all over my apartment, I would literally look at him and just be like: ""I'm not picking this up."""

"Last night me and and my girlfriend watched three movies back-to-back.. Luckily I was the one facing the TV!"