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Joke of the Day

"A great alternative to Tinder is entering every room screaming, ""Does anyone want to bang?!"" It also has more dignity."

"I've been reading a book on euthanasia... It's so good I can't put it down."

"What is Paula Deens Least Favorite Pokemon? Butterfree"

"BEYONCE: do u like my album JAY: [thinking to self] if anyone hears this i'll be ruined JAY: [out loud] we should make it a tidal exclusive"

"Is my iPhone named Freedom? Yes Do I never pick up phone calls on it? Also yes, because as an American, I let freedom ring"

"Fun Fact- Dogs make different noises according to where they are on Earth. For example, a dog in Korea makes a sizzling noise."

"Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, ""I'll have some H2O."" The second one says, ""I'll have some H2O too."" The second one dies."

"What did one sock tell its other half ? Nothing, the fucker had disappeared in the dryer."

"A cop pulled me over and said 'papers' I said 'scissors' and drove off. I win."

"Cop: i told you this land is off limits Me: oh i thought you said it was all flimits Cop: wtf are flimits Me: idk let's go look Cop: ok"