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Joke of the Day

"[girlfriend yelling] You have an unhealthy attachment to your pets with weird names! [she knocks over my dead hamster's shrine] GILGAMESH!"

"I was on a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love."

"Robin: ""Let me drive the Batmobile!"" Batman: ""Never. I'd rather let Superman."" *wall breaks down* Superman: ""OMG really??"" Batman: ""No."""

"A student walks up to their teacher. Student: ""Teacher, would you ever get mad at me for something I didn't do?"" Teacher: ""Of course not! why?"" Student: ""Because I didn't do my homework"""

"As a kid my mom always told me to be loud like Helen Keller. I never thought of the fact that she was blind, deaf, and dumb."

"VLUT = A Virgin that act's like a SLUT"

"I think I CAN wander the restaurant with my robe open and eat off of your plate, sir. This is Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family."

"How do Chinese people name their kids? They throw silverware down a flight of stairs....ting, tong, ping, ding"

"Teacher : Tommy you try my patience ! Tommy: No teacher you had better try mine. There's more of it !"

"Dear Dairy There sure are a lot of cows around here."