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Joke of the Day

"Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear."

"We'd have serious problems if Peter Jackson ever became president. He'd look at World Wars I and II and see them as an unfinished trilogy."

"Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger... But she did move to California in 1849"

"Aerosmith According to fellow band members, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler handles a pen very femininely. Rumour has it he doodles like a lady."

"Body: I'm sooooooo tired Brain: WHAT IF DINOSAURS HAD ASSAULT RIFLES"

"When a vegetarian turns into a zombie, what does it eat? Coma patients."

"I was going to photograph my food but then I ate it. I hope I don't get kicked off Instagram for that kind of behaviour."

"My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut I said, ""why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"""

"Who invented tap dancing? A father with six daughters and only one bathroom! :)"

"Lamar Odom suffered a dozen strokes... Tiger Woods is jealous of his low stroke count."