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Joke of the Day

"""Hey Iron Man, how'd you get your powers?"" *flashes back to tony stark being bitten by a radioactive ironing board*"

"Her:How long before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?"" Dr.:No one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out."

"What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? PUMPKIN PI"

"How do you tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite Muslim? The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them."

"What do you say to your sister when she's crying? Are you having a crisis?"

"I'm literally typing this from atop a giraffe in Ghana. Her name is Coriander & we love each other."

"Today I asked ""Where do you get off"" while quarreling with my girlfriend. She replied ""In your bed."" Quarrel over."

"What did the leper tell the prostitute? [Keep the tip!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0PIdWdw15U)"

"Which state has the highest suicide rate ? The Islamic State."

"I like my coffee like I like my women... beat up and dragged in a burlap sack over the Andes Mountains."