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Joke of the Day

"""Are you chewing, boy?"" said the teacher ""This is the worst blowjob I've had all day"""

"Please scan your first please place the item in please scan your rewards please slide your card in thank you for shopping with us"

"Dear MTV, I was wondering if I could get my ""M"" back..... you know, since you're not using it. Sincerely, _usic"

"Have you heard about that new program that only the living can watch? You'd have to be dead to miss it!"

"I'm reenacting the War of 1812 with 47 gummy bears so I think the Ambien has finally kicked in. Casualties have been immense... & delicious"

"You're stuck in 2nd person and you can't get out. Help you. Help you. Please. Help you You wrote this reddit post"

"Having kids is a little like when the free sample lady tries to tell you all about the cheese & you pretend to be interested while you eat."

"How many cops does it take to push a hooker down the stairs? None, ""she fell""."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? By walking... J. K. Rowling"

"I like to make intense direct eye contact with the person in the vehicle next to me at a stop light while I pick my nose."