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Joke of the Day

"(child accidentally being born in butcher shop) Shirtless mother: what should we name him? Father: um..*looks around room* a..bra...ham"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile I told her ""Well now, that's a pretty big word for an eight year old."""

"Wanna Hear a Joke My Ex-wife still misses me... BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER... Ge-Get because marriage is such a terrible thing. -Grucle Stan"

"Why did the blind kid fail geometry? He didnt see the point."

"2 weeks sober. I'm 2 weeks Sober, Unintentionally. Now I'm sitting here wondering why good things happen, to bad people."

"I hate it when people ask me what I'll be doing in 5 years... Come on guys, I don't have 2021 vision! Oh wait...."

"Leonardo DiCaprio is totally getting laid tonight! This has nothing to do with the Oscar, just a safe assumption to make each and every day."

"After drinking that much, I just hope whatever I bring back home is some sort of human."

"What would the news headline be if virginity could be restored? Unfucking Believable?"

"Why was Cleopatra so negative? Because she was queen of denial."