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Joke of the Day

"Nothing makes you look like an alcoholic more than not knowing how you got a cut on your face."

"What do you call an Arab man who drives a bus? A bus driver."

"They say 9 or 10 is a good age to tell your kid they were adopted, but only IF they were adopted."

"Why are alcoholics the same as necrophiliacs? When they feel like fucking death they crack open a cold one."

"When you get a 3D printer, don't mess around. Go straight to printing money."

"I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying ""I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma"" because Emma was lying beside me in bed"

"Pot is a plant, that grows in the ground. If God didn't want it, It wouldn't be around. So all you f*ckers that don't get high, Shut the f*ck up and give it a try!"

"You follow me. I follow you. You unfollow me. I unfollow you. You follow me. I follow you. You unfollow me. I block you. ""A Game of Phones"""

"I would rather have Bill Cosby as President than Donald Trump.. because if America is gonna get fucked for 4 years I wanna be asleep when it happens."

"There hasn't been a ""final"" fantasy"