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Joke of the Day

"All my punishment tactics against my 8 year old were in vain until I threatened to transfer her most valued Pokemon to the Professor"

"Win every disagreement by saying "" I know. I'm from the future."" Because they can argue with you, but not science."

"I bought the wife a new bag for her birthday..... Hoover works a treat now!"

"Real laziness is being excited when plans get canceled."

"When I use my grandmother's cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she's way, way up there repairing the space station"

"After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios, amigo."

"It was called a jumpoline... ... before your mother jumped on it."

"Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is black"

"25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary... It means 75% are running around untreated."

"Totally blasting Billy Joel out of my minivan. I'm like sex on wheels right now."