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Joke of the Day

"My wife just got an IUD. She says her period will only last about a day now. I said, ""there's gotta be strings attached."""

"Did you hear about the Iranian who punched a guy at the soccer game? Well, the Shiite hit the fan. Sorry if it's a repost. :p"

"Australians don't have any problems with gender pronouns... Because we call everyone cunt."

"What do you call a communist hip-hop musician? MC Hammer and Sickle."

"I hate weddings, funerals and the symphony. I never know when to clap."

"I know what I'm getting for Christmas. Fat. I'm getting fat."

"Accidentally burned a calorie. Have to replace it now."

"I wonder if Jeremy Irons ever quietly laughs to himself while he's ironing."

"If you assume all turtlenecks have sleeves, prepare to have your world rocked when this jacket comes off."

"In high school I hooked up with my teacher... She was really into me... I mean I was home schooled, but still!"