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Joke of the Day
"*puts Fitbit on Roomba *eats crackers with no plate or napkin"
Next Joke
"What do you call an uncertain insect today? A May bee."
"#IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them."
"[Calls number written on my windshield with lipstick] Hi, you left your number on my car. Who's going to clean this?"
"What do you call a ghost who had a sex change? TRANSparent"
"Cops: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM Invisible Hands Adam: shit"
"I left some acorns in the spot where I killed a squirrel because I'm thoughtful. Also because a gang of squirrels burned a cross in my yard."
"Did you hear that the Indian bakery closed? I guess it was a naan-profit business."
"I recently gave up smoking. I'm really Indiana Jonesin' for a smoke."
"My boss said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I've got a hunch it might be me."