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Joke of the Day

"For just 2 quarters a day, you can send 2 quarters a day to African children. African children love collecting quarters."

"When my wife is sleeping I open her handbag, take out my balls, pat them & whisper ""I know guys I miss you too"" then put them back quietly."

"What's the difference between a fraternity and a gang? Gangs don't have to pay for friends."

"Pretended to add my number into this obnoxious guy's phone. All I did was edit his mom's contact. Hope she likes dick pics and booty calls."

"Everyone said it was a bad idea to store glue in the same cabinet as my rifles but I'm sticking to my guns."

"Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!"

"OMG IT'S GOING TO KILL US ALL!! ~ My dog every time I use a broom"

"Why did the raisin go to the police? Because, he was a grape victim."

"Contrary to common belief, only 5.7 million Jews were killed during the Holocuast, for you see... the Nazis were known for rounding them up."

"That moment when you're driving and tweeting and you look up and notice you're in the Atlantic Ocean."