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Joke of the Day
"How did rich people get their money? They were calm and collected."
Next Joke
"Moonwalking away after mugging someone because you're a smooth criminal."
"911: What's your emergency? Me: Whatcha dooooin'? 911: Sir, are you in danger? Me: *giggles* You're always so worried, but I'm fine, silly"
"*cocks gun* Me: ""Go ahead."" Horse: ""Just be cool, man."" Me: ""DRINK."" Horse: ""No problem. It's just a stupid expression."""
"What is green and smells like bacon? ... Kermit's finger"
"Those first two guys who thought Superman was a bird or a plane...? What the fuck were they so excited about?"
"Some guy told me I wasn't funny today, so I punched him in his face because nobody likes liars."
"What's a pirate's favorite subreddit? /r/matey"
"Welcome to Feng Shui Club, and I'm very happy to accept the position of the chair."
"Too soon? Charlie Sheen's new show: ""2 and a half T-Cells"""