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Joke of the Day

"I wish these fundamentalists would stop blaming natural disasters on the gays. Everybody knows Sandy happened because of the confluent evils of Wall Street and Jersey Shore."

"Just found out I've been eating women's energy bars for the past few months. No side effects except making 30% less money than I used to"

"Four blonds walk into a bar... ...cheering ""85 Days! 85 Days!"" A gentleman inquires ""Excuse me, but what's '85 days?'"" The blonds reply ""We completed a puzzle in 85 days and the box says 2-4 years!"""

"I like to confuse my husband. So I smiled at him this morning."

""" Could you explain to me why I woke up this morning with a cucumber up my ass? "" My wife screamed. "" Could you explain to me,"" I yelled back, "" Why you didn't wake up when I put it there? """

"New years eve one of the only days when it is socially acceptable to start drinking this early."

"I once accidentally broke up with a girl on a broken-down train, when I said ""I don't think this is going anywhere."""

"I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. "

"I went to a zoo, but they only had one animal there. That animal was was a dog. It was a shitzu."

"""Dad, what caused the Great Fire of London?"" [googles but can't get wifi] Well son, that's when Bach dropped the most fire mixtape of 1666"