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Joke of the Day
"Knock Knock Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin'. they hatin'."
Next Joke
"What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon? Tennish."
"Sometimes at the beach it's like ""gross, is that a condom?"" Yes. And it's staying on. Not looking to raise any shark children."
"No matter how bad your day is going, just remember that somewhere in the world someone just got a pubic hair in their coffee."
"Dance like nobody's watching you. 'Cause they're not. Nobody cares. ~Inspirational tweet~"
"Name's Bond. James Bond. *Drinks martini* Jame's Bond. Names Bond. *drinks another martini* Bame's Jond. *Drinks 1 more* THIS IS MY SONG WOO"
"[sinking ship] CAPTAIN: dammit RAT: i'm leaving CAPTAIN: i'm staying CAPTAIN'S GOLDFISH: [in fishbowl] i'm excited to see how this plays out"
"I used to work in restaurants before switching to information technology... ... The biggest difference is that the phrase ""my server went down on me"" is no longer a good thing."
"Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. ""Dan doesn't have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"""
"My wife told me I needed to slow down on the alcohol... ...or better yet, stop driving altogether."