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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? Mick Jagger yells ""Hey! You! Get off my cloud!"" The shepherd yells ""Hey! McLeod! Get off my ewe!"""

"*goes to fabric store* Do you guys have boyfriend material?"

"An exchange in Frasier Niles: she was eerily calm. She just stood there rubbing her ocelot. Martin: you know they got a cream for that"

"What do you call a Bible for the blind? The Holy Braille!"

"I went to the library and tried to take home a book on suicide The librarian said ""fuck off, you won't bring it back!"""

"I Like My Women Like I Like My Coffee.... Well educated, independent, pretty looking and doesn't nag all day"

"Longest verb What's the longest verb in the English language? Smiles. There is a mile between the first and the last letter."

"If your ringtone is a Black Eyed Peas song you have 4 seconds to answer before the entire office throws their stapler at you."

"CAT VAMPIRE: let me in! ME: ok CAT VAMPIRE: you fool! now I will suck your bl- ME: *closes door* CAT VAMPIRE: ... CAT VAMPIRE: let me out"

"Here's a pie chart on procrastination."