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Joke of the Day

"Calculus and alcohol don't mix... Never drink and derive."

"An Israeli is going through passport control at JFK... The immigration officer asks: ""Occupation?"" The Israeli says: ""No. I'm just visiting."""

"Sis-Boom-Ba... What sound does a sheep holding a stick of dynamite make?"

"4: can you whistle? M: *whistles* 4: Here's a booger. M:... 4: Keep it forever. Have kids they said. It'll be fun they said. Liars."

"So glad I don't subtweet like SOME PEOPLE."

"I thought one of the ten word-play jokes my dad told would make me laugh, but... no pun in ten did."

"How does the butcher introduce his wife? Meat Patty. (This was told to me by an old man I cut off with my grocery cart at the grocery store)."

"What's better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics? Having legs."

"Why did Mary Magdalen love Jesus? *Spreads arms* Because he was hung like this"

"If I die in a fire, I want my last words on my grave... ... ""I won't die, I'm 70% water!"""