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Joke of the Day

"If I die in a fire, I want my last words on my grave... ... ""I won't die, I'm 70% water!"""

"[taking a picture] Me: ""Make love to the camera!"" Grandma: ""Don't make this weird, dear."""

"Short Jokes As a short person, I don't understand short jokes. They always go right over my head."

"COP: Damn I left my regular handcuffs at home, all I have is these candy handcuffs. I trust that u won't eat ur way out of these CROOK: Sure"

"I said to the chemist: ""Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?"" He said: ""Why?"" I said: ""She keeps waking up."""

"Whats the hardest part about watching Amy Schumer swim through a pool of dead babies? Knowing she will make a shitty vagina joke about it."

"My friend's grandpa who was suffering from Alzheimer's passed away recently He forgot he was alive"

"I need to stop Binge thinking."

"I opened my closet, looking for my boots. And there they were... Gone! (as told to my by my Bella-Russian-Canadian (and redditor) friend)..."

"what did the transvestite say to the pirate? Q. what did the transvestite say to the pirate? A. ""I'M going to plunder your butt hole!"""