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Joke of the Day

"Imagine William Shakespeare in a swimming pool, perplexed and terrified as children just splash the shit out of him"

"I never misused the word ironic, ironic right? it's a bit of a paradox. THINK!"

"My wife wanted me to lose weight, so I dropped 120 pounds But she got right back up again. She can take a hell of a punch, my wife."

"If I had a nickel for everytime someone said ""If I had a nickel for..."", I'd ask people to say that a lot."

"Back in my day we didn't call meeting strangers from the Internet in random places for a weekend ""tweet ups"" we called it ""shit you dont do"""

"Alcoholics don't run in my family... They stumble around breaking things"

"Why do soccer players not play in the rain? It makes their makeup run."

"This barbecue must be amazing. Everything is at steak."

"What was the last pizza the twin towers had? A plane one."

"A joke about Germans - I m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground? A: Because deep down they are really nice."