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Joke of the Day

"If I had a nickel for everytime someone said ""If I had a nickel for..."", I'd ask people to say that a lot."

"I was so excited when all my teachers called my work outstanding I haven't even handed it in yet!"

"A man walks into his therapist's office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap.. so the therapist takes one look at the man and says, ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts."""

"I may be weird, but everyone needs a buddy who will show up at 2 a.m. and help get the dead zebra out of the septic tank without judging you"

"Why couldn't the life guard save the hippie? He was too far out, man."

"Tried to hit on a girl whom I thought was married. A miss"

"A Jew, a black, and a Muslim are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other... ...so I thought I would go over there and break the ice."

"If you get sexted by someone you don't like...does that mean you got molexted?"

"What's Iron Man's favorite carnival ride? The ferrous wheel."

"What do you call a gorilla that's a member of a terrorist organization? Boko Harambe"