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Joke of the Day

"Its hilariously ironic that the first gold medal won was by the U.S... For Shooting"

"I have a joke about Ikea but I can't put it together"

"Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving."

"You know who loves to get fisted? Sock puppets... -credit to Daniel Tosh"

"Two silk worms were in a race. They ended up in a tie."

"*walks into starbucks* Me: HEY ANY ASPIRING AUTHORS HERE?? SOMEONE FROM PENGUIN PUBLISHING OUTSIDE!!! *has choice of any table*"

"(Pickup line) Are you a test-tube baby? Because you're perfect."

"When you want them, they don't want you. When they want you, you don't want them. When you both want each other, something fucks it up."

"Did you hear about the dairy farmer who got kicked off his farm for not having any livestock? It was a no cows eviction."

"What happens when you get some vinegar in your ear? You suffer from pickled hearing!"