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Joke of the Day

"It's so weird and coincidental that everyone who likes me is cool and smart and everyone who doesn't is an egomaniacal asshole."

"Joke Did you hear about the man who stoke a bed"

"What did the physicist have for lunch? Fission chips."

"[Jack Black's birthday] Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma. ""How is Rock School going dear?"" It's School of ro- *sigh* nevermind."

"Did you hear about Kurt Cobain's new album? He did a cover of The Wall by Pink Floyd"

"Naming my favorite books is like choosing which of my kids I love more! In that I have a full list right here, do you have a pencil ready"

"Germans be like: Been there, Done that."

"Insomnia is a glamorous term for 'thoughts you forgot to have in the day.'"

"Why are rivers lazy? Because they never get off their beds."

"Whats the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A porcupine has pricks on the outside."