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Joke of the Day

"""How do you talk to an angel"" Me: I don't know, Skype I guess? ""How do you hold her close to where you are"" Me: Aren't most angels men?"

"I registered to a website for constipation sufferers. It won't let me logout."

"What does a fedora guy say on the Singapore border? M'lasia"

"If by ""junk in the trunk"" you mean the untouched gym bag I store there, then yes, I most certainly have junk in my trunk."

"I see you have some graph paper. You must be plotting something."

"Hi Reddit, I am on AA Flight 451. We're going down. AMA!"

"Something good is coming my way I can feel it. Nothing life changing, probably just a hotdog God please let it be a hotdog"

"My girlfriend said ""Give me 10 inches and make it hurt!"" So I stabbed her with a ruler."

"Next time someone says ""Your Mom"" ""Let's get off moms, cause I just got off yours."""

"What's the difference between minesweeper and my ex-wife? I've never beaten minesweeper"