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Joke of the Day

"How long are you supposed to chase someone after your wallet gets stolen? Because I'm tired of running and he's catching up...."

"It was so cold out... I was cold out today, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets."

"How did the tiny frozen dinner meet the little kid's belly? microwave"

"Knock knock. Who's there? The Spanish Inquisition."

"I was on a date with a girl at the cinema. We both put our hands into the popcorn at the same time, so to make it less awkward, I said, ""Don't worry, that's not the one I masturbate with."""

"How does Frankenstein sit in his chair? Bolt upright."

"NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?"

"So happy I got to see ""bucket list"" added to the dictionary before I die."

"I just punched Dwayne Johnson in the ass So I guess I've finally hit rock bottom."

"The people you lose sleep over don't lose sleep over you. So, help out and drunk dial them at 3AM...."