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Joke of the Day

"They say shoe size correlates with penis size... ...which makes getting raped by a clown that much more terrifying."

"""If you approach a bear in the woods, lie down and play dead"" - brilliant rumor started by lazy bears"

"My wife gets angry when she catches me using her tooth brush. But how the hell do you get the dog shit out of your sneakers."

"Do you guys know the difference between ""girlfriend"" and ""girl friend?"" ... that little empty void in the middle.. Known as the ""friend zone"" .."

"[checks window] [locks door] [starts to tweet] shrek was a d- [FBI agents burst into the room and leap on me] shrEK WAS A DOC UMENTArY"

"I have a hard time telling people when something is displeasing to me... I might be dys-like-sic."

"So I was buying a ticket for a train from London to Paris... And the man behind the desk said, ""Eurostar?"" So I replied, ""Well I've been on TV, but I'm no Johnny Depp!"""

"Why did the tadpole feel lonely ? Because he was newt to the area !"

"After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java. He hates me."

"Have you heard about the guy who didn't want to walk the plank? He wasn't on board with it."