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Joke of the Day
"Why did the hipster drown in the lake? Because he went ice skating before it was cool."
Next Joke
"Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks. I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine."
"I lost my job... I got fired from my job at the M&M's factory yesterday for throwing away all the W's."
"Pay attention to your kids... Because one day he will stuff a sugar free gummy bear in your mouth that he rubbed on a cat."
"The secret of getting ahead is... not having a rib."
"My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner, took her 15 hours to Hoover the house. Turns out she was a Slovak."
"From my handwriting identification skills. I have carefully deduced that Santa is my secret Valentine every year."
"Hey Egypt: Try unplugging your modem for 30 seconds then plugging it back in. Trust me."
"[INT. STARBUCKS - DAY] Me: Theres a large rat in the bathroom Barista: ? Me: A large rat Barista: ? Me: THERES A VENTI RAT IN THE BATHROOM"
"How to emberass an acrchaeologist? How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from."