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Joke of the Day

"[commercial for Facebook] *man sits in tree, watching friends from high school through binoculars* ""Don't you wish there were a better way?"""

"[1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?"

"How many philosophers does it take to... ...change a light bulb? Define ""light bulb""."

"Dr: Have you been getting enough exercise? Me: Does sex count as exercise? Dr: Yes. Me: No."

"What kind of moron invented the fire blanket Surely fire is warm enough already?"

"Brutally honest? I'm always honest ... I guess the brutality would depend on your level of aversion to the truth"

"How can you tell baseball players are smarter than football players? When was the last time you saw a baseball team penalized for too many men on the field?"

"I hate when I forget to shave then people assume I'm a hippy and start talking about recycling."

"If I have HIV I hope I find out from a Doctor, like Charlie Sheen did And not from the TV, like his ex girlfriends did."

"A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a bar... He orders a drink."