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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a lobster and a bus stop? Ones a busty crustacean the other is a crusty bus station"

"What do you call a musical wreath made from $100 bills? Aretha Franklins"

"If I am ever on life support, unplug me ... ... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Women's deodorant: Spring Breeze, Lilac, Gentle Sunshine. Men's deodorant: Sport, Mountain, Forest Fire, Rage, Fistfight, Childhood Angst."

"A woman walks into her doctor's office NSFW she ask's her doctor: is it possible to get pregnant from anal sex? her doctor replies: of course, how do you think lawyers are born?"

"[nabisco hq] ""Wheat Thins sales are down we need ideas"" *raises hand* ""anyone else?"" ... ... ""ok Dan, but I swear to god if u say-"" Wheat Thicks"

"Marriage is like a three ring circus. First you've got the engagement ring, then you've got the wedding ring, and then you've got the suffering."

"If ebola had a font it would be www.dafont.com/ebola-font.font"

"I got a new job breaking up suicidal couples. I'm not very good at it, two of them already tied the knot."

"How do you confused people in the 90s? Tell them ""In 2016, we will be able to refer to someone as ""Sir and/or Ma'am"" And still be assuming someone's gender."""