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Joke of the Day

"You can never tell when someone's had plastic surgery. It always looks super real & not weird or awful. You should get some."

"I want to be in a heavy metal band just so I can scream terrible things at crowds of people and not be accused of having PMS."

"If you workout and don't post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?"

"There's a wreath hanging on my door with hundred dollar bills attached. I call it an Aretha Franklin. c:"

"What does Tickle Me Elmo get before he leaves the factory? Two test-tickles"

"I'm a wealth of knowledge Unless you want it to be true Then I'm pretty solid on about 6 topics 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors"

"[AMA request] A person living in an electricity-free Amish community."

"The worst thing about being deaf is... when I masturbate, I can't hear anybody come in my room. *Not even myself.*"

"At first, I hated my new haircut but it's grown on me."

"A man finds a job at an elephant circumcision office. His salary is so low that he wants to quit, but then he sees that the tips are huge!"