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Joke of the Day

"god: welcome to heaven, bob. today we reunite you with your soulmate bob: karen! god: karen? your soulmate is a japanese farmer named oshi"

"Fortune Teller I told my friend that my dream was to be a cola drinking fortune teller but I knew it would never happen. He told me to stop being pepsimisstic."

"Sometimes I just like to sit on the couch and do nothing for 3 years."

"My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, And they're like ""It wasn't that hard."""

"In spite of what you might have heard, some pretty magical things happen behind dirty dumpsters in shady alleys."

"Someone called me a horse today... I just looked at him and said ""Nay!"""

"So U.S. Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia died today while on a hunting trip... ...he must have gone with Dick Cheney."

"If you love someone, let them go. If they don't come back, detonate the explosive collar."

"What happens when a tree masturbates? It nuts"

"She told me she was a vegan so I pretended I never met herbivore."