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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a robbery in China ? A Chinese take away !"

"""Let's make sure there's 3 miles of handicap parking."" -Walmart"

"Love how they call info pamphlets ""literature."" Like the opening line is gunna be, ""It was the best of HPV, it was the worst of HPV."""

"What's the smallest thing in the universe? A pebble caught between the wrinkle of a flea's ball."

"Can you taste the difference betwen creme brulee and a yeast infection? If you can't, then never piss off the hostess in your favorite French restaurant ..."

"I really hope everything we know about Zombies is accurate because if they're smart I'm going to need a Plan B."

"[to wife on phone] yes spend all our life savings on honey W: but- PLS JUST DO IT *ends phonecall* BEAR [holding gun to my head]: u did good"

"So sex workers ever post anything that's nsfw?"

"Me: *gets on scale* 5yo: Whoa! That's a lot of points!"

"A roman walks into a bar"