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Joke of the Day
"My favorite hobby is pretending to be surprised when my credit card is declined."
Next Joke
"My 8yo knows exactly how many hours are left until Christmas but can't remember to flush the toilet."
"I have a very defined ab. That's not a typo, I only have a single ab"
"What do you call an Italian who has sex with kids? PASTA"
"911: What's your emergency? [sounds of struggling and growling] 911: Hello?! Me: I OFFERED THIS RACCOON MY SANDWICH BUT I CHANGED MY MIND"
"I like a girl that isn't afraid to jump in front of me during a robbery & say ""babe, please. I got this one, you bought dinner."""
"Incest... When you hit a little too close to home"
"I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence."
"Son: Dad, I'm gay. Dad: whatever floats your boat son. Son: what floats your boat dad? Dad: Buoyancy."
"Hi I'm with the salad police. If you happen to see or hear any suspicious activity regarding renegade vegetables in your local area Please lettuce know"