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Joke of the Day

"Hi I'm with the salad police. If you happen to see or hear any suspicious activity regarding renegade vegetables in your local area Please lettuce know"

"My standards for women are the same as my standards for juice. Five and Alive."

"I opened my water and electric bills simultaneously... Needless to say, I was shocked."

"I like my women how I like my jokes funny :)"

"Polish Ice Hockey tragedy The whole team drowned during spring training"

"Why did the priest smoke weed in the cemetery? He wanted to keep his spirits high."

"Want to hear a clean Joke? Johnny took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear a dirty one? Bubbles is a man"

"The Great Gatsby was so unrealistic. So many people at those huge parties and not once did anyone ask for the wifi password."

"me: I want to travel to the victorian era & meet a real gentleman [takes time machine back to 1860 England] man: 31? what are u my grandma?"

"I asked my wife for breakfast in bed... She told me to sleep in the kitchen."