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Joke of the Day

"How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? None. That's a hardware problem."

"bought 30 treadmills & placed them around the perimeter of house, when zombies attack my house they will just keep walking for days"

"What do you get if you cross a bee with a parrot? An animal that's always telling you how busy it is!"

"When attempting to make a good first impression imagine how important good grammar is. Wrong. Importanter."

"Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away."

"God grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I can't even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference"

"I am sorry about this. I'm not proud of it. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts."

"Political opinions are like assholes If yours shows up in my Facebook feed I will probably block you"

"Thought I saw a brownie walk by but it was just my dog. Other than that, diet is going well."

"They should make a Minecraft movie It would be a blockbuster."