122017

Joke of the Day

"If you want to be a General Motors engineer, your memory needs to be perfect. You have to recall everything."

"Since Fall Out Boy broke up I want to start a female group called Fall Down Girl. There's no singing, we just get wasted and fall down a lot"

"No autocorrect, I do not want to organism all over his face."

"CW: What's for lunch; smells good! Me: Well I made lasagna last night but lost a fingernail in it & haven't found it yet. CW: Me: *smirks*"

"I invented a realistic sex simulator. It doesn't work on me because realistically nobody wants to have sex with me."

"Noel, Noel. Noel, Noel. Born is the king of isrea."

"Jesus' favorite pick up line ""Hey girl. I'm the son of God back from the dead and trust me, I put the erection in resurrection."""

"What do you call an angry German? A sour kraut."

"TIL that there are over 1 million battered women in the US. And I've been eating mine plain! Who knew?"

"I understand the face situation but you don't have to be ugly on the inside too"