121968

Joke of the Day

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tit a lot."

"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5 1 to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder."

"Guy is taking a super loud dump in the toy. So I kick in the stall door and yell, ""Fuck you, man who is shitting!"" I kick in the stall door and yell, ""Fuck you, man who is shitting!"""

"My wife and i lost 150 pounds combined! Shes much prettier without those other 149 weighing her down"

"Helen Keller walks into a bar... ... then a chair and then a table."

"Why don't you see many chemists with master's degrees working with acids and bases? To really understand acids and bases, you need a pHd."

"Why did the internet pirate get scurvy? He couldn't use Lime Wire anymore."

"Say what you like about pedophiles Atleast they drive slow in school zones. credit to /u/c4rdi4c4rrest"

"My stomach just made a really weird noise. So I'm just going to send a pizza down to check it out."