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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I could never agree on holidays... I wanted to fly to exotic places and stay in luxurious five-star hotels. And she wanted to come with me."

"I like to stand next to someone else's screaming baby, call an ex boyfriend, and tell him, ""We need to talk!"""

"Someone needs to tell every movie and tv show that no cell phone beeps when you hit the ""answer call"" button."

"My washing machine is racist.. It only likes whites with whites and colors w colors.."

"What do you call a group of rabbits walking backward? A receding hareline."

"The pirate mechanic repaired my sex-bot. Thar, she blows."

"""Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road, please?"" Oh. Yea. Good thinkin'. Can't be too careful. A lot of bad drivers out there."

"I've never met a full on jew They were all just sort of jew-ish"

"What would you do? if your uncle jack helped you down off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?"

"I bet snowmen think it's weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin."