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Joke of the Day

"What would you do? if your uncle jack helped you down off an elephant, would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?"

"Gonna get a tattoo of two big trucks crashing into each other and then maybe there's like a scorpion on the side of the road doing push-ups."

"[god to lions] You will be the symbol of power and prestige [sees the crickets] Ew. Uh...you guys just yell real loud when a comedian bombs"

"What's the name of a Korean cook book? 150 ways to wok your dog"

"Few people have the balls to admit when they're wrong. Then again, few people have talking balls."

"Even my cats are sick of the snow..They meow to go out..I open the door..and they freeze and look at me like ""WHY is this shit still here?"""

"A Moment of Silence Let's all spare a few moments of silence for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat."

"Did you know there are bees that produce milk? Yeah, they are called boo bees."

"What do you call the boyfriend of a beheaded prositute? The headless whore's man"

"Two Russian kgb operatives are also in a tank One turns to the other and says ""gurgle gurgle"" and they both drown..."