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Joke of the Day

"My mom said her day at work today made her feel like punching babies I told her to punch herself in the stomach"

"*Getting a tattoo* Me(to tattoo artist)-Do you ever make the bzzz-sounds with your mouth when you're using a regular pen on your spare time?"

"How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood? The Blacks get car insurance."

"Where do you hide after a murder? Behind a badge."

"Buying my parents' house. Soon, like so many of the 'ladies' here... I too will be a middle aged man tweeting from his mom's basement."

"This year's the year of the rooster, so I ate chicken. Next year's the year of the dog."

"Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? A: To win the no-bell prize."

"how many apples does it take to make a pie? 3.14159265358979323846....."

"My friend said he knew of a way to always win in Russian roulette I can't tell you what it was, but let's just say... My mind was blown"

"A daughter asked her mother, ""Mom, how do you spell 'scrotum'? Her mom replied, ""Honey, you should have asked me last nightit was on the tip of my tongue."""